I like to be in control.
I like to do things the right way.
I don’t like to need people.
(Insert life… with a cackling evil laugh.)
Hectic schedules, parenting struggles, cancer. Combine all of that with my own weaknesses and insecurities. And boy, am I limited.
But I think I’ve finally surrendered. I’ve decided not to be limited by myself anymore and found people that felt the same way. I’ve learned to live life in a way that honestly, is starting to feel it has no limits. Gasp. I can’t believe I said that.
Interdependence has changed every aspect of my life. It took surrender. Giving up all the control, giving up being right and trusting others. Finding those people is HUGE. But if you do, interdependence changes your whole world.
I am no longer confined to the space where I alone can soar.
I am no longer only able to successfully take on the projects that have three components where I am strong in all of the three areas. My realm and sphere of influence is greater, multiplied many times over.
I have started living a life that is much more interdependent in basically all areas. Family, friends and coworkers. It means that now I am only responsible for my pieces, and my strengths, and that there is someone else to do the other pieces or to guide me through growing in those areas.
This concept has changed my life down to the tiny details. I’m not just talking about projects at work. I’m talking about cleaning my kitchen, selecting the right shoes, and knowing the right words to say to a child.
There a few key things that you have to do to make interdependence work.
You have to trust others.
If I don’t trust you, I can’t talk to you about embarrassing things or confess my weakness and need for help in an area.
If you find people that you can really trust with your dreams and projects and parenting struggles and your entire life, interdependence changes how you operate. If you find people who even share your dreams and want to make them happen with you, the results are exponentially insane. The places you can go and so quickly are a wild ride.
You have to give up control.
Interdependence means sometimes the idea will be someone else’s. And sometimes you will be wrong. And sometimes there will be two good ideas but you will end up going with the other person’s plan. Allowing someone else to call the shots is surrender.
If you have the trust, you’ll be willing to give up the control. And actually, if you are “deciding” to give up control, that is in your control anyway. It’s a controlled giving up of control because it’s calculated and safe, and to those that you trust and know can make the particular decision better than you for whatever reason.
You have to be willing to see your weaknesses.
You’ve got to be real about yourself and allow others to talk straight about areas you aren’t good at. In order to let others shine in the areas you don’t, you have to first be willing to admit and recognize those areas. Pretending to be able to do all the things or lacking self-awareness and thinking you are good at things you aren’t causes lots of problems for everyone. Interdependence can’t function under those circumstances. It relies on each person clearly seeing and embracing their role, and being completely good and okay with what is not their role.
You have to spend lots of time collaborating.
I like to work alone and haven’t generally seen most meetings as productive use of my time. But interdependence means I don’t get a lot done on my own anymore. I spend a lot more time in meetings, a lot more time having lengthy lunches or conversations on the back porch or coffee getting to know people. “Work” isn’t just sitting in my office with the door closed on my computer. It is much less that than ever before.
It is hours of meeting together with my team weekly. It is being a part of something much bigger than me. It is realizing that the team doesn’t function well without me, and I that I no longer function well without the team. That I am no longer satisfied with the level and quality of work I can do just on my own, because I’ve seen the potential and I’m not willing to go it alone and settle.