Mental Blocks

For the last little while I’ve been kind of stuck. And I’ve been waiting to get “unstuck” to figure out how to tell you about it.

I get the sweetest messages regularly asking how I am doing. And for the most part, I see them and think I’ll answer that when I can really give it the thought and attention I want to.

And then I don’t. I don’t go back and answer.

I’ve wanted to write all these notes of thanks and appreciation. I promise you that I feel so much thanks and so much gratitude, but I’ve struggled hard to get the words out to the right people.

I want to sell shirts about breast cancer awareness and promote and attend events and be “all in” for October being breast cancer awareness month. I mean, when has it ever been so relevant in my life as now? But I’m really just a working mom trying to care for my kids while feeling nauseated, tired and emotionally drained.

I can’t be inspiring all the time.

And I can’t be inspiring and positive just because I want to. Sometimes I’m just going to need to go through this thing, and then I’ll try to be inspiring later.

So this week I’m starting to get a little unstuck from the corner I’ve been camping in. As far as radiation, let me give the update that I haven’t been able to give for a bit.

I’ve had almost three weeks of radiation, which means I am about 1/2 of the way done! The treatments are daily but they are very quick and mostly painless. As far as the actual radiation, it’s mostly a hassle.

I’ve had some fatigue and pain, but not too badly yet. So far the biggest issue I’ve experienced is a lot of nausea.  They say this isn’t from radiation, so maybe from medication. Any time there is a disclaimer that anything in the world “may cause nausea”, I’m there for it. That’s how my delicate little stomach lives its’ life. So this is no surprise to me.

I had in my mind that this whole season of life was just going to be about cancer and getting through this.  Some days are like that. But did you know that there are some days that I get so wrapped up in other things that I hardly think about cancer?

Loving and serving others is a really good distraction and focus.

God brings people and projects into my life right now to keep me sane and give me better perspective. And this works only because so many others are loving me so well at this time. You fill me up in a way that allows me to have enough to give.