In really hard times, emotion sweeps over you in waves.
I’m talking about the intense ups and downs that come at the most unexpected moments. So much so that you’re scared to go out in public for fear you’ll end up sitting in a cheap camp chair in the front of Five Below in tears while your girls are shopping.
Just when you’ve accidentally convinced yourself that you’re doing better.
Just when you start to think you’re really stronger and that the hardest feelings have passed.
BAM. A switch flips, and after several hours of almost acting normal, you’re sobbing uncontrollably on the floor of the dark laundry room.
I think it’s important to feel the hurt when it hits and to spend your time around people that you’re comfortable falling apart with. Otherwise you’ll do lots of stuffing, pretending and avoiding the feelings. And that won’t get you very far down the road.
I have a husband who pulls up a spot on the cold hard floor beside me and sits there with me. He just gently puts a hand on me and sits there in the pain.
I have a friend who understands that I may enter a store happily chatty and looking for a couch but come out of the same store 10 minutes later in a deep funk. She’ll ask me what I’m feeling and let me talk and feels it with me.
I have a daughter who is watching my every move. She may not say much out loud about feelings, but she is fiercely loyal and protective. She fights for me when I’m weak like no one else.
I could go on and on, because there are so many people in my life who are giving me permission to feel things in my own way and helping guide me through. They’re extending so much grace in this season when I’m more irritable with them or just can’t engage in normal conversation at times.
There are moments of strength, and those are the moments to do strong and hard things. Because ever so quickly, the tide may turn and you’ll feel weak again.
So I’m trying not to expect too much of myself. I’m trying to breathe in and out and float ever so peacefully on my back while letting the waves of emotion hit when they want.
Expect the unexpected. Trust that the overwhelming moments of hurt and pain make way for the strong moments and guide you through the process to healing.