Yesterday I was so so brave.
Today I’m scared to death.
A couple of weeks ago God told me to start pursuing something new and to go ahead and dream the dream. I said yes to that. I started thinking and praying and letting my heart go there. Yesterday I even said the words out loud to another person who also confirmed that it wasn’t crazy talk and this was a thing. I felt so excited that I couldn’t sleep or think about anything else for 36 hours. I felt so brave and alive and ready to take on a new challenge.
Until I said the all the words out loud and starting thinking about a plan.
And then the fear started creeping in.
For me, the underlying issue is repeatedly a fear of failure, making a mistake or doing the wrong thing. In my processing of my dream yesterday I was reminded that I am going to do all of those things in this area. Whether in big ways or just in small steps, I absolutely am going to fail, make mistakes and do things wrong. Taking all the perfect steps would require being a perfect person and we know that’s not the deal.
So this is the place where fear has gripped me. Fear says that if you know there will be mess ups, why should you do it? Fear says that the mistakes could be big and embarrassing and out there for everyone to see. Fear says that I’m going to hurt myself, and harder to swallow, I’ll probably hurt other people that I love in this process.
Many times in life I’ve let fear of messing up sabotage me. So many times I’ve decided to stay in the safe zone where there is no risk. That way I won’t disappoint myself.
Today I wish that I felt brave. But I’ve decided that you don’t have to feel brave to be brave. Brave is an action. People who do brave things are often scared. You can be scared and brave at the same time.
I am determined not to let fear keep me from being brave. Today I will fight my fear head on through prayer, music and speaking true things to my heart. I will talk it out with a friend. I will be vulnerable enough to share these words with others, because maybe you are sabotaging yourself with fear as well.
And in doing so, I will be brave even though I don’t feel brave. I will continue to pursue my dreams in the midst of fear and not let it halt my plans. I will continue to work through the fear, because I feel certain that the struggle will not end today, or tomorrow or the next month.
Guys, do it scared. When you don’t feel brave but you know it’s right. When you keep going scared, you are being the bravest of all.