Mom Confessions: Last night I snapped, and today I’m cleaning up the mess.

Last night I snapped. Big time.

Nathan has been gone all week.  After school yesterday, I stayed busy taking care of all the things. I worked steadily all evening, but it was under control. Until it wasn’t.

At 8:45 P.M.  I tucked the youngest into bed. I started on the pile of dirty dishes. I wondered how there were so many dishes when the kids had leftovers and I hadn’t even eaten.  I ate half of a bag of Baked Cheetos I found in a lunchbox and a fun-size Kit Kat while I did dishes.  And then it hit.

“Mom, I just took my last pill. I don’t have one for in the morning.”

“Mom, my dirty laundry is overflowing, and I need the band shirt tomorrow.”

“”Mom, you promised you would help me study for my history test tonight.”

Crud. I hadn’t actually done all the things. There were more. And now I was suddenly hit with a wave of frustration because I was tired, and because at 9:00 P.M something bad happens to me. I can’t do “things” anymore. I basically can’t be a nice person anymore. It is not my time of the day.  This is the point where I should have taken a deep breath. Where my husband would have intervened if he were home to make sure he was helping with all the things. But he wasn’t, and I tried to keep doing. Bad plan.

Then the little one I’d already put to bed showed up back downstairs. She was “scared”. In the same moment, another one “can’t find any rubber bands” for her braces. And this, my friends, was where the unfortunate SNAP occurred.

I yelled. I said mean stuff. I wanted them to do some of the things by themselves, like locate one of the three packages of rubber bands around the house that we JUST received two days ago from the orthodontist. Or stay in the bed and figure out how to not be scared and just handle it.  Unfortunately I said all of these things and more. It was not a pretty moment. Everyone eventually went to bed feeling yucky.

Part of the spew that came out of my mouth was how you shouldn’t come out of your room just because you are scared. You should be hurt or sick and needing medication or medical attention. And because of the not nice way I’d said this stuff, you can imagine my surprise when the little one showed back up at my bedroom door.

“Mommy, my tooth came out and I’m bleeding.”

Seriously? Of all the nights. She finds a legit reason RIGHT AFTER my mean rant? I’m pretty sure she must have yanked that thing out with all her might to find a reason out of the bed. I later found her another time out of bed, in the bathroom over the toilet “throwing up” or trying to. That was one of the other legit reasons I offered for why someone would come out of their room in the night. We were apparently going to cover them all in one evening.

Thankfully we all survived the night. Today had to start with my apologies to each child. Real apologies. I’m so thankful that each day is a fresh start. I’m thankful that my children are forgiving and for the grace that they show me. I’m looking forward to breathing deep breaths this weekend and loving them well with things like brownies and projects and cuddles. And I’m thankful that their daddy is coming home tonight for the weekend to hopefully make me sane again!

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Season Confusion: Eating Chili and Candy Corn After a Day at the Water Park

fall

Summer ended, and Fall is here, right?  But Summer lingers. And Fall didn’t fully arrive yet. It’s the in-between season, and it’s a weird place. The time of year in Texas where you sweat heavily at football games on Friday nights.

On Labor Day we went to a water park for our “last day of summer”, or something like that. Sure, school had already started, but we were holding onto the goodness of summer for as long as possible. Labor Day morning I woke up to the slightly crisp September air and sat on my back porch to enjoy it. But the sun soon came out in full force. With Summer back, it was a great day at the water park, complete with minor sunburns. While we played and splashed and relaxed, a crock pot simmered at home to prepare the first chili of the season for our dinner.  Because Fall.

We almost didn’t go to the water park. Two of us were feeling slightly under the weather, and Sam had other plans with friends. But we decided to go anyway without him, and I’m so glad we did. One of the things that happened at the water park and that happens more in the summer is that I get away and genuinely relax. I really need to relax, and I’m looking for ways to bring that part of my summer into other seasons. I held my littlest in the pool and snuggled her close. I needed those moments with her because she is a cuddler, and because I don’t often slow down and relax enough with her. As I held her, she groaned and then joked, “I don’t want to go to school tomorrow. Can’t we just stay here? Can we spend the night? ” That feeling is always looming over us in these moments we are pretending it’s still Summer and we are still carefree.

lydwaterpark

But the truth is that September is here in full force. We have three kiddos in school, two in marching band and two that are practicing 3-4 times a week for theatrical performances happening in the next month.  Add to that a husband who will be gone for 3 weeks of September and I find myself basically in the same mindset as the baby. Saying can’t we just stay here in these carefree moments? Cause I don’t wanna with all this responsibility and stuff. 

But for now we must try to wrap up summer and move on. Last night I unpacked my “swim bag” and put everything away for the season. This weekend I had my first pumpkin spice latte and I filled my Meme’s green candy dish with candy corn. Those are the things that are easy to embrace about Fall. But I’ve also done some of the harder stuff, like filled the wall calendar and phone calendar with all the times of all the practices and all the events and embraced the schedule that is Fall.  And call me crazy, but today as I did some shopping, I even starting picking up stocking stuffers. Because that’s what I do in the Fall.

So I now declare that it is FALL! Summer is done. Except…oh look! Hurricane Harbor is still opened until mid-September! Hmmm. Perhaps we will try to dip into the goodness of both seasons for a while longer.