Last night I snapped. Big time.
Nathan has been gone all week. After school yesterday, I stayed busy taking care of all the things. I worked steadily all evening, but it was under control. Until it wasn’t.
At 8:45 P.M. I tucked the youngest into bed. I started on the pile of dirty dishes. I wondered how there were so many dishes when the kids had leftovers and I hadn’t even eaten. I ate half of a bag of Baked Cheetos I found in a lunchbox and a fun-size Kit Kat while I did dishes. And then it hit.
“Mom, I just took my last pill. I don’t have one for in the morning.”
“Mom, my dirty laundry is overflowing, and I need the band shirt tomorrow.”
“”Mom, you promised you would help me study for my history test tonight.”
Crud. I hadn’t actually done all the things. There were more. And now I was suddenly hit with a wave of frustration because I was tired, and because at 9:00 P.M something bad happens to me. I can’t do “things” anymore. I basically can’t be a nice person anymore. It is not my time of the day. This is the point where I should have taken a deep breath. Where my husband would have intervened if he were home to make sure he was helping with all the things. But he wasn’t, and I tried to keep doing. Bad plan.
Then the little one I’d already put to bed showed up back downstairs. She was “scared”. In the same moment, another one “can’t find any rubber bands” for her braces. And this, my friends, was where the unfortunate SNAP occurred.
I yelled. I said mean stuff. I wanted them to do some of the things by themselves, like locate one of the three packages of rubber bands around the house that we JUST received two days ago from the orthodontist. Or stay in the bed and figure out how to not be scared and just handle it. Unfortunately I said all of these things and more. It was not a pretty moment. Everyone eventually went to bed feeling yucky.
Part of the spew that came out of my mouth was how you shouldn’t come out of your room just because you are scared. You should be hurt or sick and needing medication or medical attention. And because of the not nice way I’d said this stuff, you can imagine my surprise when the little one showed back up at my bedroom door.
“Mommy, my tooth came out and I’m bleeding.”
Seriously? Of all the nights. She finds a legit reason RIGHT AFTER my mean rant? I’m pretty sure she must have yanked that thing out with all her might to find a reason out of the bed. I later found her another time out of bed, in the bathroom over the toilet “throwing up” or trying to. That was one of the other legit reasons I offered for why someone would come out of their room in the night. We were apparently going to cover them all in one evening.
Thankfully we all survived the night. Today had to start with my apologies to each child. Real apologies. I’m so thankful that each day is a fresh start. I’m thankful that my children are forgiving and for the grace that they show me. I’m looking forward to breathing deep breaths this weekend and loving them well with things like brownies and projects and cuddles. And I’m thankful that their daddy is coming home tonight for the weekend to hopefully make me sane again!